my blog.. I guess

Charlie bit me!

2008-08-02T17:37:00.000+01:00

It seems that the baby knows whats going on and just does it on purpose!

Black Hurricanes....

2008-07-23T03:20:00.000+01:00

Well, it appears our African-American friends have found yet something else to be pissed about. A black congresswoman (this would be
Sheila Jackson Lee, of Houston), reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names. She would prefer
some names that reflect African-American culture such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. I am NOT making this up!

She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in 'language' that street people can understand because one of the problems that
happened in New Orleans was, that black people couldn't understand the seriousness of the situation, due to the racially biased language of
the weather report. I guess if the weather person says that the winds are going to blow at 140+ MPH, that's too hard to understand.

I can hear it now: A weatherman in New Orleans says...
Wazzup, mutha-fukkas! Hehr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket! Bitch be a category fo'! So, turn off dem
chitlins, grab yo' chirren, leave yo crib, and head fo' de nearest FEMA office fo yo FREE shit!

Why Can't I Own a Canadian?

2008-04-07T22:19:00.000+01:00

October 2002

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

safenow

2008-04-04T20:46:00.001+01:00

Check this website out, and know how you to can be safe!

They parody all the normal safety signs

If fire was made of water...

2008-04-03T02:25:00.003+01:00

3 more pictures HERE

Politics Explained

2008-04-01T19:39:00.000+01:00

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

source: http://www.sjgames.com/illuminati/politics.html

Cool pictures

2008-03-31T17:51:00.001+01:00

Here is a site with a bunch of cool pictures like the one above.
ENJOY!

Color Psychology

2008-03-30T03:13:00.003+01:00

Ever wondered what effects certain colors have?
Did you know that blue food makes you lose your appetite?
Or while yellow is considered an optimistic color, people lose their tempers more often in yellow rooms?

That is color psychology!

Read more here!
http://www.infoplease.com/spot/colors1.html

Gift box

2008-03-30T03:07:00.003+01:00

A two dollar gift box! literally!
Check it out here
It is a nice way to give money, and make it more than "just 2 dollar".

Street art

2008-03-30T03:04:00.003+01:00

When I hear the word street art, I usually think of graffiti.
This is not the case at this site, it is awesome.

Here is a page that shows how to make the tape sculptures yourself.

Have fun (and if you make one, please put it in the comments or send me an email).

Create your own art!

2008-03-30T02:27:00.001+01:00

This website is so simple, but so cool!
Just drag the mouse, and click to change the color.

this will keep kids (and adults) busy for a while!

http://www.jacksonpollock.org/

megamix

2008-02-11T04:44:00.000+01:00

mix blue man group with sergioadrian´s critheria

Blue man group - Drum Bone

2008-02-11T04:41:00.000+01:00

A video of the blue man group performing drumbo...
(more)
Added: January 19, 2007
A video of the blue man group performing drumbone form there album Audio at the berlin music awards

enjoy!

Rednecks of the South

2008-02-03T22:38:00.000+01:00

Jeff dunham

2008-02-03T01:21:00.000+01:00

Spark of insanity
Awesome, it is unrated though, it has some "bad" words in there.
Really funny! (and long!)

Pancakes

2008-02-01T01:46:00.000+01:00

Awesome movie!

here is the movie description:

Because they are so very tasty..

5th of February 2008 is pancake day - make sure to celebrate it by cooking up a batch of pancakes, and trying some new toppings.

Visit http://www.welovepancakes.com for recipe ideas and a breif history on how pancakes came to be so popular

Music & Video by James Provan.
Thanks to David Bradley for some ideas, and for stealing my pancakes. Thanks to my parents for putting up with cameras and mess in their kitchen for weeks!

For those who are asking:
Edited with Final Cut Studio
Music written in Logic Studio
Cameras - Canon 350D still camera (90% of footage)
Panasonic DVX 100b video camera (10% footage)

Awesome joke!

2008-01-29T20:44:00.000+01:00

I read this joke and I just HAD to share it with y'all!

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly
dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of
dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you
this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need
to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.

'Are you NUTS !' replied the homeless woman. ' I haven't had my hair
done in 20 years!'

'Well,' I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm
going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with
you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty
disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks
like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

sorry

2008-01-29T18:34:00.001+01:00

sorry for not posting last 2 weeks, they've been pretty weird, started a new job @ fry wagner/ united van lines, a moving company.

And my laptop hard drive broke! It said that it was a catastrophic failure after some tests, it is unfixable.

DONATIONS ARE WELCOME!! ;)

Here is a old commercial for a fantastic item:
KRAZY GLUE

Awesome stuff!

2008-01-15T02:26:00.000+01:00

Here is a relaxation exercise for a change :)

Relaxation is not simply important for your physical self, it will positively affect your spirit, your mind, your body and your overall well being.

Those unable to relax, often suffer from an inability to focus their concentration. This exercise will allow you to do this.
To be effective, this exercise will require you to have no direct distractions. Nothing that will divide your attention in any fashion, you will want to find a chair or couch that is comfortable. Turn off the television or radio, turn down the lights and relax. This is not a 'screamer' - it is an actual relaxation exercise....

-note: it actually works, does it work with you?

new camera

2008-01-14T01:05:00.001+01:00

the real idots

2008-01-10T06:41:00.000+01:00

Who are the REAL idiots?

Texas Ditch Surfing

2008-01-08T19:50:00.000+01:00

The title explains it all :)

horrible michael jackson impersonator

2008-01-08T01:42:00.000+01:00

Human tetris

2008-01-04T19:23:00.000+01:00

Stick em Up (Pivot Stick Figures animation)

2007-12-27T20:54:00.000+01:00

I found this stick figure movie, its quite different than all those others!

Jeff Dunham Achmed's "Jingle Bombs"

2007-12-24T00:59:00.001+01:00

Achmed sings a christmas song, enjoy!

You Might Be A Redneck If

2007-12-23T03:48:00.000+01:00

Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be A Redneck If" skit...HILARIOUS!!

train snowplow

2007-12-19T03:25:00.000+01:00

Plowing snow from Goodland, KS to Limon, CO on the Kyle Railroad.

Ford f450 super duty

2007-12-17T23:43:00.001+01:00

so thats how they build it.

Cooties

2007-12-15T18:28:00.001+01:00

Speak to YOUR kids about cooties!

Dove Evolution Parody

2007-12-14T18:17:00.000+01:00

Here is a parody on the movie I posted before this one.
Remember its a parody, so don't take it too serious!

Dove Evolution Commercial

2007-12-14T18:15:00.000+01:00

Reginald Pike's Yael Staav takes us from model to billboard in under 60 seconds in this impressive new spot from Dove.

samsung coordinated dance

2007-12-13T23:38:00.000+01:00

Specially-designed costumes, discipline, and computer-generated choreography combine in this dance celebrating Samsung.

Play Doh

2007-12-12T23:28:00.000+01:00

Another cool sony bravia commercial!
color, like no other :)

Ronnie "The Rocket" O'Sullivan

2007-12-12T15:21:00.000+01:00

Ronnie's fastest break, and the fastest on record was recorded by The Guinness Book of World Records at 5 minutes and 20 seconds.
Not someone you would have a lot of fun playing against.

The fastest

2007-12-11T08:24:00.000+01:00

I heard about the fastest clapper in the world, and I found him on youtube, but I decided that wasn't enough, so here is a little list of the fastest things/people.
I didn't get the obvious fastest (like the world land speed record or other "normal" records) but the more awkward ones:

Kent(Toast), holds the record for 'Most claps in a minute' 721. Finally, a video of it happening.

The worlds fastest drinker! (I know they said to drink enough water a day, but this is the other extreme)]

The worlds fastest shooter
This is truly amazing!

The fastest gun reloader:

World ice speed record - Fastest Car on Ice.

Oulu, Finland -- A Bentley Continental GT, driven by four-times World Rally Champion Juha Kankkunen, smashed the world ice speed record, reaching an average speed of 321.65km/h on frozen sea off the coast of Finland, track ploughed on the ice of the Gulf of Bothnia next to the city of Oulu.

Juha turned the Continental GT around and drove the measured kilometre a second time to fulfil the judge's requirements, peaking at an incredible 331km/h (206mph).

Some pictures

2007-12-10T20:38:00.000+01:00

this morning I took some pictures, Check it out:

North Korea Documentary

2007-12-10T07:01:00.000+01:00

Hey I found this 45 minute long documentary about north korea, it is well worth watching!

This is an excellent well explained special which shows the leader kim jyong yeil, it's suffering people and how they are brainwashed from a very early age at school, and a glimps at the blanket of fear of which the innocent civilians of North Korea reside under.

HERE it is

Trickshots

2007-12-09T20:07:00.000+01:00

Some of the most amazing trick shots I've ever seen!
Especially seeing the balls go where you thought it was impossible!

kids' names are getting out of hand!

2007-12-09T19:44:00.000+01:00

It's a little bad but still very funny!

Hollow book

2007-12-08T22:02:00.000+01:00

Learn how to make a book that can hide things! (well it doesn't hide it by itself LOL)

awesome philips commercial

2007-12-08T05:38:00.001+01:00

Awesome commercial about philips lamps

Longest iron sight shot

2007-12-06T18:35:00.000+01:00

A video of a guy shooting ungodly far with just iron sights. Unbelievable.

Achmed the dead terrorist

2007-12-06T17:59:00.001+01:00

SILENCE I KILL YOU!

Oneteen, twoteen

2007-12-05T22:42:00.000+01:00

Where do eleven and twelve come from?
No more sleepless nights, no more banging your head into the wall, it is over! done! finalized!

The age old question is now being explained!

Fisheye effect in photoshop

2007-12-05T22:39:00.000+01:00

Everybody likes the crazy fish eye lens effect. But why spend so much money on such a lens, if you create the effect in Photoshop?

I found this tutorial, its really easy!

Check it HERE

The nickel trick

2007-12-04T21:25:00.001+01:00

awesome trick!

The Ultimate Insult

2007-12-04T04:20:00.000+01:00

Nalts teaches his son and you the "ultimate insult." It has its roots in the mid 1980s... long before there was any new fangled technological insult methods through pwning, poking and wall dissin' on SpaceBook and Friended-In. And there's really no way to trump the pfffttt. Because if they come back with another comment, you just repeat it

Myth the urban ninja

2007-12-03T16:10:00.000+01:00

freak accident

2007-12-03T16:02:00.000+01:00

A sudden gust of wind pulls out the sign boards on the side of the field and blows them viciously across the pitch, hitting the linesman and a few players!

My blog.. I guess SEASON 2

2007-12-03T05:42:00.000+01:00

Hey all, after a while of not posting, I decided to CONTINUE with my blog again!
Here is the kickoff of a brand new season of " My Blog.. I guess"

first a lesson of drawing!

second are some cheerleaders :)

and to top it off:
French people ain't that bright LOL

power to the people :)

2007-09-12T20:56:00.001+01:00

12 Volt Battery Hack! You'll Be Surprised... - video powered by Metacafe

how duct tape is made

2007-09-05T22:45:00.001+01:00

Gmail: Behind the Scenes (Final Cut)

2007-08-31T15:14:00.000+01:00

A compilation of clips submitted by Gmail fans as part of our collaborative video project. Selected from over 1,100 clips from fans in more than 65 countries.

Cool dancing

2007-08-25T19:09:00.000+01:00

Making Fake with

2007-08-18T23:02:00.000+01:00

The REAL rain man

2007-08-17T14:30:00.001+01:00

Nickelback - Rockstar

2007-08-15T20:58:00.003+01:00

Sorry for not posting in a while, I'm gonna try to post everyday again!
cya!

Commercials

2007-08-11T19:03:00.000+01:00

voices

2007-08-07T18:36:00.001+01:00

fix a dent!

2007-08-02T20:14:00.000+01:00

Remove Car Dent With Airduster - video powered by Metacafe

I just wanna live!

2007-07-29T00:29:00.000+01:00

great vid!

sports,,,

2007-07-27T21:00:00.001+01:00

Big Recoil

2007-07-20T22:41:00.001+01:00

Messenger Race, NYC

2007-07-19T03:17:00.000+01:00

Budweiser donkey

2007-07-18T20:40:00.000+01:00

Videos of stick figure fighting - Xiao Xiao 3

2007-07-17T17:12:00.000+01:00

Top 10 family guy!

2007-07-15T19:12:00.000+01:00

Panna Master

2007-07-12T16:11:00.001+01:00

This dutch guy is AWESOME!

How to get rid of that "new car" smell

2007-07-10T16:38:00.000+01:00

THIS WORKS!

Macaframa SF Track Bike Promo

2007-07-07T16:01:00.001+01:00

4th of July 2007 - Mount Rushmore Singers

2007-07-07T15:50:00.000+01:00

non drug Hallucinogen

2007-07-06T04:18:00.000+01:00

Awesome! It looked like the kitchen cabinets were breathing LOL

Awesome pingpong

2007-07-05T16:13:00.001+01:00

Family Guy - Don't Stop Believing

2007-07-02T18:06:00.000+01:00

Microsoft Surface Parody

2007-06-30T16:03:00.001+01:00

The crew over at Sarcastic Gamer rip into Microsoft and their new table computer.

dog vs mirror

2007-06-29T18:01:00.000+01:00

Stickfigures on crack

2007-06-27T19:15:00.001+01:00

Awesome Stick Fight

2007-06-26T16:08:00.001+01:00

Fuck-lish

2007-06-25T06:48:00.000+01:00

Today kids, I'm teaching you a new language: Fucklish! enjoy!

Who's Afraid of the Boogey Man???

2007-06-24T21:18:00.000+01:00

What are you gonna do when he comes in?

The A-Team Family Guy

2007-06-23T15:54:00.001+01:00

The A-Team

2007-06-23T15:48:00.000+01:00

And One more! The A-Team

Airwolf

2007-06-23T15:47:00.001+01:00

Another tune from a show I used to watch

Good 'Ol boys

2007-06-23T15:45:00.000+01:00

A classic, never gets boring!!

Chuck Norris Toilet Paper

2007-06-21T21:53:00.000+01:00

It's rough, tough and doesn't take S**T from anyone!

methos geyser slowmotion

2007-06-21T03:48:00.000+01:00

Everybody knows the mentos + soda movies, but this one is a slow motion video showing whats happening inside a 2-liter bottle of diet soda when Mentos are dropped in. :)

Heineken Lobster

2007-06-20T17:00:00.001+01:00

Just imagine, that salty crustacean with its claws all over your woman...

goosebumps

2007-06-19T01:44:00.000+01:00

WOW!! this movie really gave me goosebumps!!
this guy named paul comes in, and everybody thinks he sucks, but he sings an AWESOME opera!

note: Paul Potts has won the final of this competition and ins £100,000 and will perform at the Royal Variety Performance.

Brent Atchley - Element Skateboards

2007-06-18T20:44:00.000+01:00

Element Skateboards is proud to introduce new pro, Brent Atchley. The track 'Cornbread' by 'Freestyle Fellowship' provides the beat to match the style.

Brent is known for his original, free flow, all-about-fun style. Fun comes first, and it shows in the way he skates. Hailing from Portland, OR and a staple at Burnside, Brent's style is infectious; if he's skating you can't help but watch. Quick feet and an uncanny ability to see creative lines punctuate Brent's style on tranny or in the streets. Having kept himself under the radar, or should we say under the bridge, for the past few years, Brent Atchley became a known name in skateboarding with his much talked about video part in Elementality Volume 1. After a long year of traveling, filming and shooting photos, Brent has appeared in the pages of every major skateboard magazine.

Dave the Hen

2007-06-17T15:38:00.000+01:00

Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as
he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed
wearing a long flowing white Robe.

"Who the hell are you?" demanded Dave, "and what are you doing in my
bedroom?"

The mysterious man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter."

Dave was stunned "You mean I'm dead!?!! That can't be, I have so much to
live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . you've got to send me
back straight away."

St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We
can only send you back as a dog or a hen."

Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his
house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was
covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling
welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how
are you enjoying your first day here?"

"It's not so bad" replies Dave, "but I have this strange feeling inside
like I'm about to explode."

"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before?"

"Never!" replies Dave.

"Well just relax and let it happen"

So he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out
from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his
emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the
first time.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming
and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that
ever happened to him . . . Ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he
felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting...

"Dave, wake up you drunken bastard, you've shit the bed.

sorry

2007-06-16T21:34:00.000+01:00

Sorry for not posting, I move to the USA 15th of june, so I have to do alot, I think I'll be up and running with blogging again tomorrow night!

Greets, and thanks for reading!

Mark.

THINGS NOT TO SAY TO COPS

2007-06-13T16:01:00.000+01:00

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

Hey, you must have been doin' 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school.

"Bad Cop! No Donut!"

You're not gonna check my truck, are you?

Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on "Cops"?

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?

I pay your salary!

So, uh, you on the take, or what?

Gee, officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

Aren't you the guy from "The Village People"?

Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around...that's how far ahead of me they are.

What do you mean "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.

Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

Ten Things You've Never Seen in a Webcam Dance Video

2007-06-12T10:18:00.000+01:00

Ah, girls dancing on webcam. Where would the internet be without them? Brooke Marks walks us through ten things that you've never seen in a webcam dance video. And this includes Ricky Henderson.

LOL

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY

2007-06-11T05:20:00.000+01:00

Good: Your wife is pregnant.

Bad: It's triplets

Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago

Good: Your wife's not talking to you

Bad: She wants a divorce

Ugly: She's a lawyer

Good: Your son is finally maturing

Bad: He's involved with the woman next door

Ugly: So are you.

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room

Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.

Ugly: You're in them

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids

Bad: You can't find your birth control pills

Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

Good: Your husband understands fashion

Bad: He's a cross-dresser

Ugly: He looks better than you

Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter

Bad: She keeps interrupting

Ugly: With corrections

Good: The postman's early

Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun

Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas

Good: Your son is dating someone new

Bad: It's another man

Ugly: He's your best friend

Good: Your daughter got a new job

Bad: As a hooker

Ugly: Your co - workers are her best clients

Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do

THINGS TO DO IN THE BATHROOM STALL

2007-06-09T09:53:00.001+01:00

Ways to annoy your Public Bathroom Stallmate

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,"May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly everytime somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit!! My glass eye!!"

6. Say "Damn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from eight to 6 feet Sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"

11. Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?

13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!

14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"

15. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

16. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks.

17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down you "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"

HSBC: Bad Boy

2007-06-08T10:45:00.000+01:00

A kid goes out for a night on the town Grand Theft Auto style.
Really cool commercial!

Truck takes man in wheelchair on a wild ride

2007-06-07T18:02:00.001+01:00

PAW PAW, Michigan (AP) -- A man was taken on a wild ride when his wheelchair became lodged in the grille of a semitrailer and was accidentally pushed down a highway for four miles at about 50 mph, authorities said.

The 21-year-old man, whose name was not released, was unharmed but was taken to a hospital as a precaution. He had been secured to his wheelchair by a seat belt.

"The man spilled his soda pop, but he wasn't upset," said Sgt. Kathy Morton of the Michigan State Police.

About 4 p.m. Wednesday, a caller told police dispatchers, "You are not going to believe this: There is a semi truck pushing a guy in a wheelchair on Red Arrow Highway," state police said in a release.

Authorities initially wondered whether the report was a prank call until others called with similar reports.

Officers stopped the truck -- wheelchair still attached -- at a trucking company. The driver didn't believe officers until he stepped from his cab and saw for himself.

"When he saw us, he was like, 'What's going on?' " Morton said.

An investigation revealed the man in the wheelchair had pulled in front of the truck at a gas station, and it somehow became lodged by its handles to the front grille.

Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

TODDLER PROPERTY LAWS

2007-06-07T13:03:00.000+01:00

Here is a list of the property laws of Toddlers :)
They also apply to me, if I want to.. PERIOD.

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I'm doing or building something, ALL the pieces are mine.

7. If it looks just like mine, it IS mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If it's broken, it's YOURS.

I want YOU... inside me

2007-06-06T12:07:00.000+01:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net